Joie de vivre

When I meet with old friends from my childhood and college days, there is always one question very early in the conversation. They always inquire about my father, about how he is doing and if he is still the same. I have seen through the years that my father has this ability to strike a conversation and make acquaintances at every given opportunity. In the good old days when we would travel by train to visit family, I would keep count of the number of new friends he made on that one train journey. And these folks do remember him for a very long time....he always left an impression during these chance encounters.

While I was growing up, I was much more reserved and in a sense, diametrically opposite to what my father is. In the awkward teenage days, I would cringe in my seat as soon as my father started a conversation with a stranger. He would pick up a conversation with the most unlikely of companions at the most unlikely places.  Thinking back, it brings a smile. Today's refrain is of not trusting strangers. Much to the contrary, I grew up under the influence of a father who was out there joyfully participating in the society. And it is not only his ability to make friends that left an impression on my young mind, it is also his true spirit to volunteer and help others through the small travails of life. In the old days, it was something as small as " I am going down to the xyz office to pay an zyx bill....do you want me to do that for you too?" .....small daily gestures like this. Today when I look back at all the small gestures and add it all up, it is really BIG!!!

As I grew out of my teenage awkwardness, I started to appreciate much more the genuine warmth and joy in my father's outlook to life, friends and family. Now, being much older, having waged the daily battles in one's life, having realized the ease with which life can pull you down, I have to admit that my appreciation for what my father does has gone up manifold. He lives every moment like it is totally worth it. He is enthusiastic about every small thing be it running around doing grocery shopping or paying the bills. How can one generate enthusiasm in doing the routine?  Every single interaction with friends or strangers alike is a joyful moment. You can see the glow in his face and the sparkle in his eyes as he meets someone. How can one retain that childlike enthusiasm every single time? My father's pure and simple joy for living is probably, the biggest lesson of my life. When I go through a lean patch, I think of my father and his approach to life. Every single day, he demonstrates the real meaning of  the joy of living. Joie de vivre !!!

Father, nobody thanks you for all the small things you do everyday. Many take you for granted. Some abuse your good spirit. But, you don't give up...you go on...and I love you for that. Thank you for sharing through your actions,  the biggest lesson of my life...live enthusiastically and joyfully. Life is like the train journeys we have had together...it is a lot of fun. 

Mr.D, I salute you!!! And I wish I could be at least half the man you are....

Rumours

Every office has its own grapevine, every family has its own gossip, every place has its set of rumours. Some are the harmless kind while some are the vicious variety. Sometimes you have a quiet laugh about it, sometimes you moan about it, sometimes you are so irritated by the stupidity. But the rumour goes on..... Now with the speed at which information travels, the rumour really catches on like wildfire. And lo, sometimes, the rumour becomes reality!!!

Let me illustrate. This year there was this big rumour doing the rounds in our office that there would be no promotions happening for our associates. Being part of the leadership team, I knew that it was just a rumour. A false, malicious rumour that can demoralize a great team. We worked hard to fight the rumour, but to no effect. The grapevine has its own roots and branches and there is only so much one can do. This rumour took a vibrant life of its own. Towards the end of the year, our organization suddenly decided that we would defer our associate promotions to the next year. I know for a fact that this deferment happened due to sudden developments in the last couple of months, but the rumour had been on for the last six months. To me, it looked like rumour had replaced reality. To me, it looked like so many folks believing in the rumour had caused a shift in outcome!! 

I have my theory about rumours reinforced by incidents similar to what I just described. Well, everyone has heard about self fulfilling prophecies. Haven't we had someone say this to us.... "Be careful what you wish for?" My theory is that rumours are nothing else, but someone's wishes. They are prophecies set about by someone's imaginative mind, by someone's calculative mind. They gain momentum as other minds buy into the prophecy. As it gains momentum, the rumour gets a life of its own. A parallel identity to reality itself. It now starts competing with reality for pole position.Whatever it is that people believe in, whatever people want to happen, what cause the many minds to vibrate together for......that is what finally happens. The rumour wins and becomes reality....possible? Yes, absolutely possible.

Why do we have group chanting for world peace, why do we have community groups working for the same cause, why do we have social networking sites - because we acknowledge the power of a thousand minds resonating together. We acknowledge that the minds resonating together can change outcomes. Now think about this....if we could use this power to spread the good messages, wish for the happy events....if we could create a network of positivity, we could change this world. We could change this world with the right rumours....

Paulo Coelho says in the Alchemist - " If you want something badly, the entire universe will conspire to get it for you". So, whatever it is you want for this world, plant that seed in your mind, get other minds to resonate with you for the cause and make it happen!!! Rumours...they could be good change agents if we only realize the power of a thousand minds. Collective will....that is what it is all about.

P.S. I watched this movie "Inception" on a long haul airplane journey a couple of weeks back, it talks about planting an idea in some ones's mind. When I read my blog before publishing it, there is some commonality in concept. Purely coincidental....or was that idea planted by someone? Go figure...

Paper Boats

"Day by day I float my paper boats one by one down the running stream". These starting lines of the poem by Rabindranath Tagore ring clearly even today. I remember this was a poem on syllabus when I was in school. More so, something as simple as a paper boat which one used to make so often as a child is a part of the joyful memories of the growing up years. Pure unadulterated joy....

Last week, rains lashed the city creating little puddles and abundant opportunity to re-live the paper boat experience. I managed to convince my daughters to experience the magic of the paper boat. Experience the magic of making the paper boat. Experience the thrill of launching it in a puddle of rainwater. Pushing it along gently and watching it glide lazily. Watching it get entangled in the garden weeds. Jumping over puddles to retrieve it and then, start the process all over again. The paper boat mesmerizes with its simplicity.

Do today's children miss out on the real world and on the small simple joys out there? Do we glorify complexity? Does simplicity take the backseat? Well, the first thing that my younger daughter asked when we made the paper boat was "Where is the motor?"

Today's games train the mind to solve, yesterday's games trained the mind to observe. In this era of short attention spans, shouldn't we train the young minds to observe? If meditation is observing the mind and lessening the clutter....the paper boat is one of the first childhood interventions that help in that direction. Let us not lose the magic of these paper boats.

"When the night comes I bury my face in my arms and dream that my paper boats float on and on under the midnight stars. The fairies of sleep are sailing in them, and the lading is their baskets full of dreams" .

@ home

This week we are at my parents. Away from work, it's our time off. Kids are on vacation and enjoying with their grandparents. Well, the week is almost over and we will soon get started on the regular routine...oh, I am so going to miss this blissful time!!

It is over twenty two years since I left my parents home. Why is it that this feels so very blissful everytime I come back home to my parents? Is it because I can act, play and fight like a child again? Is it because I can for sometime wind back the clock and relive the memories? Is it that I have time to do things that I otherwise could not? Is it that my mind is free of clutter? Or is it because my folks make me feel special beyond words? I don't know, it is probably a combination of factors.

Home is certainly the one place you feel extra special. Home is where you feel boundless love. Home is where you don't have to prove yourself to anyone. Home is where you are accepted as you are. Hey, if this is what home is, then home is not necessarily just a physical place....it's a place inside you that you can tap into, if you only try. Being at home is a state of mind....it is being comfortable about who you are. It takes special folks to make you feel that way, but finally, it takes you to recognize that state of mind. Look for the moments when you feel at home. With an uncluttered mind and with compassion, you can be @ home always....

Thirteen

I was in a meeting with one of my business partners and she enquired about how my girls were doing. I said "Trying to keep them young a little bit longer". That was a strange thing to say, but kids seem to grow up much quicker these days. It's the premature teenager syndrome...thanks to television, internet and the works. My older girl is ten, but I sometimes wonder if she is going on thirteen!!!

Well, actually not. I have probably become the paranoid dad I promised I would never ever become. Never say never. All said and done, parenting in this era is different from some years back...not that I had kids back then. But that is my guess when one compares the environment and exposure that today's children have. So, what's different and is it really different? Don't know but, today's parenting experience is a collage of many things.....paranoia, hope, fun, friendship, freedom, discovery.....all in one.

1) Bedtime story on television
Television time. How much ever you want to control and monitor the exposure, it is a twinkling of an eyelid away. I grew up in an era where television was a luxury and had strict schedules about when to watch and what to watch. We fail miserably in enforcing that with our ever persistent girls.

2) Today's Little Red Riding Hood is a gum chewing teenager
Hannah Montana. Unfortunately, Hannah Montana is older than my daughter and will do things that are always a few years before my daughter should. But fortunately, the storyline also has a good father-daughter bond that it hard for me to resist. So, why blame my daughter that she is so hooked on to it. And when she picks up quotable quotes like "Life's a climb but the view is great" from Hannah, it is not as bad as I thought.

3) Beware - The Big Bad Wolf called Internet
Well, internet can't be far behind television in the "what's so different" list. In fact, this is probably the one chapter that is extremely different in the parenting guide revisions from a decade back. Disaster struck our loving family when my daughter opened her Facebook account. The battle-lines were drawn...father versus daughter and of course, mother is always on the daughter's side. I was just worried about what the big bad world of internet would do to my daughter. But then, I found an ally. Her school stepped in and made her and her friends shut down their Facebook accounts. That was a relief!!!

4) Learn the Dr.Jekyll side to the Internet
Not everything on the internet is bad. My daughter started her own blog. Her interest is creative writing and what better way to exercise that in today's times than start her own blog. I don't know if she inspired me to start this blog or I inspired her to...I guess, we inspired each other to give it a shot.

5) Paint a colourful world together
Sticking on a bit longer to the digital world, my daughter absolutely loves the digital camera. She clicked her first picture when she was four. A pretty good one of my wife and I which adorns our living room!! And hey, I grew up with a Dad who is a film technologist himself, but the first time I ever clicked the camera was certainly not when I was four.


6) Rejoin the culture club
English is the medium of conversation, be it television or internet, school or home...My girls struggle to talk in their native tongue. Well, the culprits in this case are absolutely my wife and I. And when I think back, we just don't realize when English became our first language at home. We are now consciously trying to salvage the situation here.

7) Rejoice, there is common ground sometimes
Enid Blyton, Famous Five and Secret Seven is what's common between my growing up years and hers. The difference is that at an age where I probably read my first,  there are not many left for her to read.


8) "OMG" moments are aplenty
Sleepovers.... The word I dread. My baby is staying over at her friends. She enjoys it, but I am sleepless. 


9) "It's my life" is no longer a Bon Jovi song you love
Never try to get her do something she doesn't want to. She has a mind of her own and that at an age when I didn't know what mind was. But, please....


10) Save the world...make it a better place
My daughter and her friends run a "save the world" campaign in our community. Walking in from office into a home filled with apocalyptic versions of what will happen to the world if we don't stop it.....phew, that is an extra load on my shoulders. But, my daughter is the warrior...and that feels good.


11) No tailgating
My daughter does not need me tailing around her anymore. I love her "yes I know...it's the hundredth time you told me" expression when I ask her to be careful. I love her complete "oh please don't fuss" attitude when I worry about her little scratches and bumps from her playtime or school.


12) She knows you better than most
I told my daughter I was writing this blog-post called "thirteen". I told her that it was because it is my thirteenth post..wow, already. I asked her if she could guess what it might me about. Within a blink, she said "About me acting like a thirteen year old?". My jaw dropped. How did she know? I asked her to which she said " I know you Dad !!!"


13) She is always your baby...no matter what
Thirteen or ten, it does not finally matter. She is always your baby and will be. So heck, why worry about it. She loves you, she is everything to you ...and that is all that matters. Thirteen is not too bad, so that's where I stop rambling.

When the black cat crossed my path....

Yesterday I was stepping into my office campus with a colleague when a black cat crossed our path. My natural first reaction was to stop in my tracks. I turned around and told my friend that we should take a few steps back and return to office after a couple of minutes. My friend smiled and asked me if I believed in the black cat superstition? Hmm...Good question. And the answer is that I really don't know. I thought for a while and it seemed to me that the reaction was simply spurred by the fact that I have seen a few other friends do the same thing. So, it was really not a question of belief....it was more a question of not questioning a widespread belief.

Later, I did some research and the internet provides some fantastic insights into the origin of some superstitions. The black cat, I realized, was a symbol of the Egyptian Goddess Bast. When the Romans invaded Egypt, they wanted to remove all symbols that were sacred to Egyptians and replace them with Roman symbols. This lead to the first wave of cat bashing. Later on during the Middle Ages, in Western Europe, black cats were associated with witches. One interesting folklore that I came across is about a father and his son walking the street on a moonless night. A black cat crossed their path suddenly and the father son pair threw stones at it. The bruised cat disappeared into the house of a woman, who was considered to be a witch. The next day, the father and son saw the same "witch" woman and she was bruised and battered too. This lead to the belief that witches went about at night in the guise of a black cat. Therein lies the origin of the black cat superstition, about being the witch with evil designs on you. Sometimes what starts off as a harmless story takes on course altering propositions...to think that the black cat superstition continues to this day!! All superstitions start with a story or reason that is probably relevant for the times, however, it continues to hold sway over generations while losing the initial meaning.

Now, superstition is blind...but, it started for and with a reason. When the reason is not reinforced, it loses meaning. It becomes mechanics...it becomes a joke....it becomes irrational....it becomes irrelevant. But maybe, rethinking the relevance can give it new meaning. Everytime something goes well, I "knock on wood". Knocking on wood started as a practice because some of our ancestors revered Nature as God. A tree, it was believed, is where spirits reside.  Knocking on wood was a way of thanking the spirits for all the good that came one's way. These days, we "knock on wood" of course, but we, the post-industrial man also knock down trees. Do we really rever nature and respect it? With all the hoopla about ecological degradation, isin't there merit in treating Nature as God? Or is knocking on wood just a meaningless act? Do we follow the ritual and forget the meaning?

Maybe, all superstitions are not blind. It is time to rethink the relevance of these superstitions. And maybe, in some cases, reinforce the meaning. In certain other cases, find new meaning and in the few other, discard as meaningless. Next time I knock on wood, I am atleast going to acknowledge the importance of nature...hopefully, some day soon , I will do something about it too....even if it is just planting a tree.

Share your superstitions, its meaning and relevance for you. As you can see, I am beginning to rethink my superstitions....find new age meaning....and hopefully, some new actions. And all this introspection, thanks to that black cat who crossed my path. Who says that is bad luck?

The Whole Person ?

This has been an interesting week. We had senior folks visiting our offices. "From the head office" as senior visitors usually are. We had a series of reviews, town-halls and leadership sessions. You do have important clarifying takeaways from sessions such as these and I had a few too. Well, my biggest take-away during the conversations was a rather innocuous comment the boss made when someone asked her about work-life balance. She said make sure "the whole person" turns up to work. What does that truly mean? Agreed, there are many sides to a personality...the rational, the emotional and so on. All sides together make up the whole person. But do we know our own "whole person" ?

Do we even know what our whole person requirements are? Do we spend enough time working on our own whole person requirements? I relate this to a fundamentally interesting concept that looks at happiness as a function of serving your whole person requirements. It looks at different aspects that contribute to happiness, almost a formula if there is one. The variables as I see it are and in no particular order:
1) Spiritual well-being
2) Economic well-being
3) Intellectual pursuits and education
4) Emotional balance
5) Physical and mental health
6) Ecological and environmental awareness
7) Community and culture connectivity
8) Time use effectiveness
If one is able to balance all the above variables, there is a higher probability that the whole person shows up. There is a higher probability that the person is not unidimensional in life. We are talking about a person, but in fact, this is what a country measures itself on!! Bhutan has a Gross National Happiness (GNH) Index. It measures the country well-being not by GDP, but rather by GNH. Check out their website on http://www.grossnationalhappiness.com . This is a wholeness indicator, not a unidimensional indicator like GDP which only measures economic well-being. I need to perfect my own personal wholeness indicator .... get to acknowledge my own whole person. Have you ever thought about this? Share your perspective.