That would be so incomplete !!!

I was at dinner with some colleagues visiting from England. They were here on business and had flown in early on the weekend so that they could get some time to see the sights. I realize that most visitors to India want to visit the Taj Mahal if they can find the time. My dinner companion had also wanted to go and visit the Taj Mahal. But he chose not to at the last minute. I asked him why he had changed his mind. He said "I have always wanted to go to the Taj. My wife and I have been planning this for the last fifteen odd years. And finally, it seemed that I had the opportunity to do it. However, somehow, it did not feel complete going to the Taj without my wife. She urged me on and that is why I planned the trip. But at the last minute, I could not get myself to do it without her." This made me think...Yes, many of us have had such incomplete experiences. Incomplete because you wished you had your partner to share it with.

I do not mean this in a "romantic chick flick" manner. I contemplate this from a "oneness of identity" perspective. It is strange yet surreal that over time, you and your partner seem to have a single identity. Well, I have heard this often that people who have been married to each other for a long time start looking like one another. I have not seen any of that yet, but yes.....when I look at the older couples, they do seem to come across as one entity. They share one identity. It does feel that one is so incomplete without the other. When someone says   "She is made for you" . When the astrologer says " The stars are aligned". When you take that one-fifth of a second to decide someone is just right for you. When you do any of the above, you are buying into a new identity, one that is much better than your own existing one. Quoting Joseph Campbell, "Marriage is a recognition of a spiritual identity. When you make the sacrifice in marriage, you’re sacrificing not to each other but to unity in a relationship."

So, if marriage is really a single spiritual identity, then, it is not only about the small journey to the Taj. It is about the much longer and more challenging journey through life and everything else you believe happens after. In fact, a friend of mine who is keen on progressing on his spiritual journey had a conversation with his guide. His guide's first question was on the readiness of the partner to go along on the journey. He was advised to go slow if the partner was not ready as yet. Don't you think it is a little bit like the trip to the Taj? You don't want to do this alone because that would be so incomplete !!!

And finally what matters!!

I have had a hectic month with lots of travel. Generally, I am used to a lot of travel and have never had a problem with that....until recently. Starting off on one's travels is painful as you kiss your wife and daughters goodbye. Being a father who is away is not the greatest feeling in the world. But everyone has a job to do, and so have I and we must get on with it. Call it age or call it inertia, but travel on work is beginning to wear me down. No, not physically....it is wearing me down emotionally.

While on my travels, I am usually engrossed in work and only work.....until recently. I try harder now to meet old friends and family who are close to my destination. My last few visits have been wonderful because I have been meeting friends and catching up on the past, present and future. Friends who travel miles and across cities to make this meeting happen. This can only happen with good and true friends. Call it age or call it nostalgia, but these meetings are for me very special.

And at the end of a long travel, getting on that plane ride back home is the most amazing feeling. My last long visit ended with me boarding the flight to land right in the middle of a family get-together. A family reunion where every one was waiting for me to join. A family reunion that I was longing to be part of. Call it age or call it whatever, but these memories are what life is all about.

Finally, it is not about where you have traveled, it is not about globe-trotting, it is not about the frequent flier miles. Life is about the family who waits longingly for your return. Life is about the few hours spent with old friends after fifteen years in some unknown land. Life is about the aching you feel as you look into the clouds from an airplane. And then you realize, that finally what matters is family and friends!!!

Joie de vivre

When I meet with old friends from my childhood and college days, there is always one question very early in the conversation. They always inquire about my father, about how he is doing and if he is still the same. I have seen through the years that my father has this ability to strike a conversation and make acquaintances at every given opportunity. In the good old days when we would travel by train to visit family, I would keep count of the number of new friends he made on that one train journey. And these folks do remember him for a very long time....he always left an impression during these chance encounters.

While I was growing up, I was much more reserved and in a sense, diametrically opposite to what my father is. In the awkward teenage days, I would cringe in my seat as soon as my father started a conversation with a stranger. He would pick up a conversation with the most unlikely of companions at the most unlikely places.  Thinking back, it brings a smile. Today's refrain is of not trusting strangers. Much to the contrary, I grew up under the influence of a father who was out there joyfully participating in the society. And it is not only his ability to make friends that left an impression on my young mind, it is also his true spirit to volunteer and help others through the small travails of life. In the old days, it was something as small as " I am going down to the xyz office to pay an zyx bill....do you want me to do that for you too?" .....small daily gestures like this. Today when I look back at all the small gestures and add it all up, it is really BIG!!!

As I grew out of my teenage awkwardness, I started to appreciate much more the genuine warmth and joy in my father's outlook to life, friends and family. Now, being much older, having waged the daily battles in one's life, having realized the ease with which life can pull you down, I have to admit that my appreciation for what my father does has gone up manifold. He lives every moment like it is totally worth it. He is enthusiastic about every small thing be it running around doing grocery shopping or paying the bills. How can one generate enthusiasm in doing the routine?  Every single interaction with friends or strangers alike is a joyful moment. You can see the glow in his face and the sparkle in his eyes as he meets someone. How can one retain that childlike enthusiasm every single time? My father's pure and simple joy for living is probably, the biggest lesson of my life. When I go through a lean patch, I think of my father and his approach to life. Every single day, he demonstrates the real meaning of  the joy of living. Joie de vivre !!!

Father, nobody thanks you for all the small things you do everyday. Many take you for granted. Some abuse your good spirit. But, you don't give up...you go on...and I love you for that. Thank you for sharing through your actions,  the biggest lesson of my life...live enthusiastically and joyfully. Life is like the train journeys we have had together...it is a lot of fun. 

Mr.D, I salute you!!! And I wish I could be at least half the man you are....

Rumours

Every office has its own grapevine, every family has its own gossip, every place has its set of rumours. Some are the harmless kind while some are the vicious variety. Sometimes you have a quiet laugh about it, sometimes you moan about it, sometimes you are so irritated by the stupidity. But the rumour goes on..... Now with the speed at which information travels, the rumour really catches on like wildfire. And lo, sometimes, the rumour becomes reality!!!

Let me illustrate. This year there was this big rumour doing the rounds in our office that there would be no promotions happening for our associates. Being part of the leadership team, I knew that it was just a rumour. A false, malicious rumour that can demoralize a great team. We worked hard to fight the rumour, but to no effect. The grapevine has its own roots and branches and there is only so much one can do. This rumour took a vibrant life of its own. Towards the end of the year, our organization suddenly decided that we would defer our associate promotions to the next year. I know for a fact that this deferment happened due to sudden developments in the last couple of months, but the rumour had been on for the last six months. To me, it looked like rumour had replaced reality. To me, it looked like so many folks believing in the rumour had caused a shift in outcome!! 

I have my theory about rumours reinforced by incidents similar to what I just described. Well, everyone has heard about self fulfilling prophecies. Haven't we had someone say this to us.... "Be careful what you wish for?" My theory is that rumours are nothing else, but someone's wishes. They are prophecies set about by someone's imaginative mind, by someone's calculative mind. They gain momentum as other minds buy into the prophecy. As it gains momentum, the rumour gets a life of its own. A parallel identity to reality itself. It now starts competing with reality for pole position.Whatever it is that people believe in, whatever people want to happen, what cause the many minds to vibrate together for......that is what finally happens. The rumour wins and becomes reality....possible? Yes, absolutely possible.

Why do we have group chanting for world peace, why do we have community groups working for the same cause, why do we have social networking sites - because we acknowledge the power of a thousand minds resonating together. We acknowledge that the minds resonating together can change outcomes. Now think about this....if we could use this power to spread the good messages, wish for the happy events....if we could create a network of positivity, we could change this world. We could change this world with the right rumours....

Paulo Coelho says in the Alchemist - " If you want something badly, the entire universe will conspire to get it for you". So, whatever it is you want for this world, plant that seed in your mind, get other minds to resonate with you for the cause and make it happen!!! Rumours...they could be good change agents if we only realize the power of a thousand minds. Collective will....that is what it is all about.

P.S. I watched this movie "Inception" on a long haul airplane journey a couple of weeks back, it talks about planting an idea in some ones's mind. When I read my blog before publishing it, there is some commonality in concept. Purely coincidental....or was that idea planted by someone? Go figure...