Learning to Smile

The family had an opportunity to spend a week this summer in Sikkim. Experiencing a new place and a new people, we came back richer from that experience. As we traveled through the interiors of that beautiful land, what struck me was the joy that permeated all things, man or nature. Don't get me wrong, it is not an easy life. Life in the mountains, without the robotic luxuries of our sprawling cities, is hard. But finding a purpose, finding the joy seemed to come easy. Finding joy prodded by the little things.....the flutter of the breeze, the swirl of the mist, the gush of meandering rivers, the shades of changing green, the smile of the Lepcha people.  You could hear Thich Nhat Hanh whisper "Smile, breathe and go slowly". 

Like any other vacation, we came back with memories and photographs of a beautiful place this time too. But this time, I came back with one more thing. I came back with a resolve. Inspired by the Lepcha.....A resolve to smile. A resolve to smile more often. A resolve to smile, breathe and go slowly. I know the big city will distract me enough to stray off the path sometimes. But, I 'll take all the help I can...from my daughters, my friends, my family....let's spread the joy through a smile. A simple smile to ease the stress in your life or in someone else's. A simple smile for limitless joy. A simple smile for a peaceful world. There is no other way to do it....count the laugh-lines on each other's face and light up your life with a simple smile.

"Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy". Experience this Thich Nhat Hanh whisper everyday. I experience it in my daughter's smile. Your troubles melt away. Your world feels lighter. You are ready to face a new day. A simple smile is all it takes to brighten up the day. Relearn....Smile now.

Tell us a good story, please....

It has been a while since I wrote. This has been a cloudy uncertain time in some ways for me. I have been faced with a situation that demands a definite choice to be made. The road has hit a fork, and you have to take one. It is not the easiest time in one's life when you have to choose. In more ways than one, you are lucky to have the choices to make. However, the choice being right or wrong, it is something you know only when it plays out. So, what will you choose and how will you choose? There is a very interesting video available on the internet of an address by Jeff Bezos, who founded Amazon.com. He tells the young Princeton graduates starting out in their careers that life is not about the talent one has. He says life is about the choices you make. And he is right on the money when he says that. What you become is what you choose to become. You are the author of your own life story and you have the opportunity to tell a good story. So, tell us a good story, please....

This is a simple theory that I think helps you evaluate the choices you make. Think of your life as a story and then decide how you would like that story to read. Is it a story of adventure or one of cowardice? Is it a story of faith or is it one of betrayal? Is it a story of love or is it one of hatred? First of all, be honest to yourself and choose your story, not someone else's. It is your life, not someone else's. It is your dream, not someone else's. Follow your dream, don't fear the uncertainty, ask more of yourself and your life. It is your story and you better make it a good story. Paulo Coelho says this beautifully in his book "The Pilgrimage". He says " Because we don't want to see life as a grand adventure, we begin to think of ourselves as wise and fair and correct in asking so little of life. We look beyond the walls of our day to day existence, and we hear the sound of the lances breaking, we smell the dust and the sweat, and we see the great defeats and the fire in the eyes of the warriors. But we never see the delight, the immense delight in the hearts of those engaged in the battle. For them, neither victory nor defeat is important, what's important is only that they are fighting the Good Fight."

Tell us a good story, please.... There are examples that one can find without looking too far. I recently read a book called "Fresh Brew" which has stories of many classmates and friends who chose to do something different and follow their big dream. I know of many friends who still don't have a book written on them as yet, but certainly have shown the courage to lead the full life. If they can make a good story, so can you.....script it now. Follow your big dream. Lead your full life. Fight the good fight. And, tell us a good story, please.....

You complete me !!!

She stays with me, but, was gone away for a couple of days. I was to take care of the kids. I was to take care of the home. After so many years with her, I was most irritable when I should actually have been supportive. She needed to be away, but, I did not feel wholesome. She was a part of me and I was troubled to part with her. When she came back home, I told her in a very Jerry Maguire way, "You complete me !!!"  

My parents stay a few cities away from us. I meet them once in a while, we talk much more often. I keep up with the goings on in their lives, both the good and the not so good parts. I sometimes feel helpless that I am not around to help. I need to stay away, but, I don't feel wholesome. They are a part of me and I wish I could play my part better. To my parents, "You complete me !!!"

My friends stay all around the globe. I try and catch up as much as I can, mostly virtually. We talk about the old days, we talk about the new days, we laugh together, we cry together. I feel alive in their company and I wish I could do that more often. They are a part of me even though we stay apart. To my friends, "You complete me !!!"

My memories of the people from Tokyo to San Diego, from the faraway places that I visited, stay with me. I follow the happenings in these faraway lands, as time permits and internet allows. When I hear about the natural disasters that rocked a little island, when I hear about the devastation by the Tsunami in Japan, my heart bleeds for them. When I hear of pilgrims dying in a stampede in Southern India, my heart skips a beat. For the unknown in these faraway places, I feel the pain. They are a part of me though I know not what part I play. I say to these unknown warriors of life, "You complete me !!!"

I have been to the mountains and I have been to the sea. I have felt like a grain of sand in the vast beaches of Kovalam. I have felt like a pebble in a little stream at the foothills of the Himalayas. I have felt the insignificance, only to be reminded of the significance. I am part of the greater whole, I am more than just me. I say to myself, "You complete others !!!". Believe in the oneness of the universe and recognize the connectedness. You are a part of me, as much as I am a part of you. "You complete me !!!"

Question Mark ?

It was back in business school, I think, that I picked up this nickname. Some friends called me "Question Mark". It was probably due to the quizzical look on my face. Or was it because of the number of questions that I asked? I am not sure, but, this was something I picked up along the way, and I am talking of not just the nickname. At times, I have wondered if this questioning mind is a good thing or a bad thing. Someone said curiosity killed the cat, but is that true?

Last month at an industry event, I had the privilege of listening to John Sculley, the Apple ex-CEO. Yes, the same John Sculley who fired Steve Jobs, or should I say, misfired Steve Jobs, the first time around at Apple. Mr. Sculley is an energetic seventy plus globe-trotter who now invests in transformational companies and in transformational ideas. He was talking at the forum about building game-changing companies. He had the enthusiasm of a young child. He had a sparkle in his eyes. He had a bounce in his footstep. It made me wonder what kept him going? He said that he has a curious mind, he has questions and he wants to find answers to those questions. He could not stop. He could not retire. And this curious mind, this questioning mind kept him young. Young at heart and with a younger mind, he talked about his peers who have retired to a game of golf and lost touch with the world. He talked about his peers who have stopped asking the questions. He says they have aged and their mind has become dull. This makes me introspect and I try to rationalize that it is a good thing to ask questions. It keeps you engaged, it keeps you going,  it keeps you young.

I see my children and their curiosity. Their open mind is always seeking answers. There is joy in finding those answers. There is an innocence and excitement in the process. I want to get back to that childlike state. I want to get back to the basics. I don't want to think of what impression others will have of me and my questions. I am not going to worry if the question is stupid. I am going to ask it anyway. I have to live up to my nickname, I have earned it and I need to keep it. And if nothing else, it keeps me young beneath the graying hair. Question Mark? The name is worth it and I intend to keep it.

Kiss the badge and make them cry!!

"Romance is dead in football". Fernando Torres, ace footballer said this last month when he made a 50 MM pound transfer from Liverpool football club to Chelsea. And he said " I was not a Liverpool fan. I never kissed the shirt badge. Forget club loyalty, it's all about trophies". Many skeptics will say that Chelsea just bought talent at a ridiculous price. Some will say they made him an offer he could not refuse. Some will say he is chasing his dream. But is that really his dream or is it just what the world forces him to believe is his dream?This is a microcosm of the predicament faced by many folks in the world today. Do you really recognize your dream and stay loyal to it? How do you stay loyal in a materialistic world that eulogizes individual achievement, that celebrates quick wins over gritty long term steadfast loyalty to true goals. How do you ensure you can believe that something is worth fighting for? How do you work to keep that romance alive? And how do you keep it alive not just for yourself, but for others on the team too. Do you kiss the badge and make them cry?

Loyalty to an organization, to a family, to a country or to a cause is fast becoming a scarce commodity. Community living and joint families are forgotten relics of a different generation. Families are fractured by inheritance issues, organizations are held hostage to the whims of a money-minded workforce, and the world is wrecked by power hungry despots. How do you counter these forces of friction to energize a generation to be committed to a cause? How do you counter the tailwinds that are drag on harmony to revolutionize and romanticize commitment? Flirting with temptations of this ephemeral world, one gets sucked into running after fame and fortune, one forgets the true calling. Someone once said, "Even if you win the rat race, you are but a rat". So, find your true calling and build loyalty towards the cause. Look at yourself and ask the question if you are passionate about the cause you are espousing? Is it something you will stick with in the long term or is it just a passing fancy? The one way to be sure of your commitment is to free your mind of all the clutter, be relaxed. Your most natural inclination during this calm uncluttered state of mind is what you want, that is the dream you should chase. Be a romantic!! Make the romance come alive as you chase your dream. Show unflinching commitment and loyalty, this fractured world needs that more than anything else. And once you are sure of your commitment, then wear that badge on your sleeve. Kiss the badge and make them cry!!

Forever in Blue Jeans

This week has been amazing. My small town saw two big concerts with the Foreigner and Bryan Adams playing here. I made the little concession of stepping out of work early both evenings to make it to the show. The effects are just amazing. There is a song on my lips and a zing in my step unlike any other recent week in my life. I heard the notes of the good old days when my world was filled with music, when my television was on MTV 24/ 7, when our friendships were formed by listening to the same bands, when our life was rock and roll. Not a care in the world, just free falling, just comfortably numb....And memories of that feeling flitting through my mind, I looked back at my life. I looked back at the journey so far.....

Those early days filled with music were the uncomplicated carefree days. Those were the days before a career beckoned. But soon enough, my career started and well, so did the conditioning. I remember my first performance appraisal. My one over manager told me that I had a problem. The problem was that I was a nice guy.  Why should that be a problem? The problem is that nice guys finish last and if I had to be on my super achiever boss's team, I could NOT be nice. I was making a career and I could not disregard that advice. Career aspirations whispered into my heart........you don't have to be nice, go for it and make something out of it. And so the conditioning progressed .....the conditioning to become a shark in a suit. The decisive, hard nosed executive who is so focussed on the results that the niceties start dropping away. I stop calling friends, I am always busy, I hardly listen to my favorite bands, I start thinking the world revolves around me and my success....

And then, the balance tilts unbearably and life whispers back ..... There is more than just your career and your success. Life cries out for balance. Life cries out in loneliness. It makes you question the relevance of all that you have been doing in these past years. You search for meaning and you discover what you have heard often enough but disregarded too many times. You realize that life is a journey where you stop enough times to enjoy the sights, smell the flowers and listen to the music. It is not what you have turned it into, it is not the mad rush to some ever changing destination. That is when you think about the parts of the journey that you missed. The parts of the journey you forgot to enjoy because you were so busy turning into that shark in a suit. You think about the songs you didn't hear because there was the next meeting to attend, the next goal to achieve....

And I wonder what have I become? And I wonder why? And then I tread back carefully. I start the journey back to fun and friends. I start hearing the notes more clearly, I start enjoying the music loudly, I begin enjoying the moment. The pressure is off. I can hear Neil Diamond clearly now. He is singing "Forever in Blue Jeans". I nod in appreciation. I know that is all I want. I know that is what matters.

Money talks
But it don't sing and dance and it don't walk
And long as I can have you here with me
I'd much rather be
Forever in blue jeans.

Show her some respect !!

The best part about flying through Heathrow airport is the opportunity it presents you to read the British newspapers. I absolutely love it. On my last trip a week ago, I used the time to devour the newspapers, page by page. The one big news debate in all the papers was about the "Sian Massey" incident. For the uninitiated, and that you will be if you don't follow English soccer, Sian Massey is an assistant referee in the English premier league. She is another one of those women to break the gender barrier and to gain a foothold in what has traditionally been a "men only" profession. But, the debate concerned how two Sky Sports commentators said something inappropriate about her, about women referees. The two commentators in question were fired from their jobs for this indiscretion. They learnt quite late that it was time to show her some respect.

That brings me to a topic that I have been thinking about for a while. Do we show enough respect to women in the workplace, in society? I don't think so. While much progress has been made, there is still the fear that single women have in a big city. Sometime back, I heard a woman friend remark that it was not safe to travel alone in the overnight train. I have sometimes, heard women colleagues murmur about harassment by some uncouth men in office or otherwise. And harassment is not always physical, it is the equally damaging emotional one. Why do some men think they can get away with it? Is it social conditioning? Maybe, but most times, it is the feeling of power, absolute power that one can get away with anything. Now, it is high time that changed in society. Being the father of growing daughters, I pray this world changes its attitude to women.

You don't have to look far back in history to see, that the society that respects women is always the one that prospers. You don't have to search too much in religion, to understand the importance of women, to understand the sacred feminine. In the Hindu tradition, it is not coincidence that intellectual, material and emotional well-being is governed by Goddesses, by the sacred feminine. Saraswati, Lakshmi and Durga are symbolic, the message is much deeper. I personally grew up in a matriarchal society, my surname comes from my mother. I grew up in a world that sees balance in society through these norms, and I do hope this world sees that balance too.

It is time to throw out those testosterone induced views of the world to usher in the balance. Don't we realize that true balance in society can only be achieved by gender equality?  When I came back from my trip this weekend, it was maybe again just coincidence that I found my elder daughter was preparing for her public speaking competition on gender equality. She finishes off her speech on equality in opportunity saying "So, boys, it is time to show us some respect. And girls, it is time to capture the world, in true equal spirit of competition". Well, I couldn't agree more. Show her some respect!!

Background: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/football/competitions/premier-league/8277518/Sky-Sports-presenters-Andy-Gray-and-Richard-Keys-say-sorry-after-mocking-lineswoman-during-Liverpool-victory.html